On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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