Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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