i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
