I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
