Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I need help removing her.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
