It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
