Only a mothe r could love this liver
Its about making memories worth repressing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
