The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
