My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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