he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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