He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
