Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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