btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
