dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
