i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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