i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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