Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
