My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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