Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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