The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
youre lurking in front of me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
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he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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