So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
