did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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