My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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