just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
