I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My friends, they love my intelligence
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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