I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
