My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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