??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am one with the molecules
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
