Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
