saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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