when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize