He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm like, not good at living.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
