it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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