He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
