Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
