Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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