just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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