Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
