goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
