Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
