I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
