Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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