Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
