weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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