i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm passing your future prison.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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