my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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