At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
