That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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