I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
