I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me