Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

(619): View more from California

Cremation, why do you ask?

(760): View more from California

I think we have a bit of a problem

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(760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26

Replies (15) Good night (1262) Bad night (1714)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

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(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward. http://tfl.nu/djmy

Replies (64) Good night (1958) Bad night (8529)
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(516): View more from New York

I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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(516): I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos. http://tfl.nu/v11h

Replies (8) Good night (1747) Bad night (568)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

(443): View more from Maryland

How'd that go?

(301): View more from Maryland

Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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(301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been... (443): How'd that go? (301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat... http://tfl.nu/x8jv

Replies (14) Good night (929) Bad night (4239)
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(718): View more from New York

what happened last night?

(917): View more from New York City

u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

(718): View more from New York

that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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(718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9

Replies (39) Good night (14520) Bad night (1269)
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(314): View more from Missouri

great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter

(1-314): View more from Missouri

at least I said it was good

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(314): great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter (1-314): at least I said it was good http://tfl.nu/h772

Replies (25) Good night (5654) Bad night (1476)
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(972): View more from Texas

I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.

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(972): I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches. http://tfl.nu/t94t

Replies (15) Good night (5680) Bad night (1246)
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(520): View more from Arizona

The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

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(520): The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears. http://tfl.nu/pc9j

Replies (11) Good night (2780) Bad night (946)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.

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(604): As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck. http://tfl.nu/89l5

Replies (14) Good night (2652) Bad night (818)
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(209): View more from California

He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia

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(209): He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia http://tfl.nu/8vrp

Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (2101)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.

(440): View more from Ohio

The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.

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(440): Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions. (440): The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America. http://tfl.nu/cnoq

Replies (14) Good night (1706) Bad night (712)
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(386): View more from Florida

I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.

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(386): I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone. http://tfl.nu/mucl

Replies (13) Good night (1407) Bad night (652)
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(904): View more from Florida

You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.

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(904): You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish. http://tfl.nu/q7o6

Replies (4) Good night (2058) Bad night (754)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?

(256): View more from Alabama

absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.

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(423): Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes? (256): absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything. http://tfl.nu/f7u7

Replies (9) Good night (1056) Bad night (549)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet

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(+44): Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet http://tfl.nu/0iwg

Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (282)

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