You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.