I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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