everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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