sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
