i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
