I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He passed out mid-signature
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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