I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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