So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
