Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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