What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
