Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
