I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.