U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.