Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
